Thursday, October 29, 2009

How NOT to study. It's crucial knowledge. All the smart kids are doing it.

So like I've said, I haven't been blogging in the last week mostly because of school and studying for my midterms. And by "studying" I really mean cracking open my textbook for the first time, inhaling that new book smell, reading a paragraph, and then slamming it shut a minute later to browse Don't start laughing because I am not joking.

If there's one thing I'm spectacular at, it's wasting time.

I'm not a good studier. I don't think anyone would say that they're good at it, but I am just really that bad. I don't know the meaning of diligence. Focus? What's that? Concentration? Never heard of it. Sorry, that's completely foreign to me. So don't you dare tell me to concentrate on my work ever again.

So since I adore the readers of my blog so much and don't want you guys to make the same mistakes that I make, I made up a list of things NOT to do when studying. I care.
1. Don't get up from your study session to stand in line for Tim Hortons because you absolutely need that second cup of coffee and muffin and you will die (seriously!) without it even though the line is already a million people long.
2. Don't go to the bathroom 7 more times (after already going 13 times) during your study session to look at your makeup and hair.

3. Don't go over to your boyfriend/girlfriend's place to study. You WILL get distracted. This is a given.

4. Don't sit down, read two lines from the textbook, and then decide to get a snack even though you just ate a whole meal five minutes ago. Then go back to studying. Then continuously get up to get food every 5 minutes after that until your kitchen is depleted and you're too full and sleepy to study anymore.

5. Don't study and then somehow teleport over to the computer and mysteriously be playing facebook games. Those things cannot get enough of me, honestly now. How I got from my studying desk upstairs to my computer downstairs I don't know.

6. Don't get into full scale arguments with your guy friend about whether or not Chloe Sevigny is hot.

7. Don't stare out the window at nothingness even if nothingness is probably better than your textbook.

8. Don't start writing Zeus hate mail when you should be studying about him.

9. Don't go to the bathroom one more time to check your make up or hair.

10. Don't let those people who go around passing out pamphlets at your school and petitions to sign distract you from your studying. Your mantra should be all "Okay, go away crazy dumbass idiot." Why do people always talk to me?

11. Don't gesture for people to come over to your study table and make "small conversation" that lasts more than 2 seconds.

12. And then get into debates with them about whether or not Chloe Sevigny is hot. (She's totally is and her wardrobe is to die for.)

13. Don't get Celine Dion songs stuck in your head.

So I know it's hard to believe, but I actually am a hard worker. I just don't know how to study properly. (My boyfriend says he likes girls who are hardworking, so guess what? I'm hardworking. Now that I've clarified that, please don't break up with me.)

Song today is Imogen Heap - Not Now, But Soon off her latest album Ellipse.