Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Boys boys boys

As much as I complain about guys, I think I have them figured out (however this does not mean I've mastered the whole perfect girlfriend riff rack). Seriously people. This is really important. I think I really have this whole thing unraveled. I know their general habits and tricks. And in general, I know their intentions are usually never really good, especially when it comes to do doing something nice for a girl. It's almost never "just because" and always because they have to take their chances and hope for the best (getting into her pants).

Now call me clueless, but for the longest time, I never knew all this. When I had an interest in a guy it would be all "why did he do that?" or "is he just being nice, because he's generally a nice guy?" or the typical "does he really like me"? Luckily I've gotten smarter (or did my research).

To get to all these conclusions, I've simply asked my guy friends straight up. A couple months ago, I was talking to one of my guy friends and I complained about guys being confusing, with which he replied, "Guys are easy. We only have a two class classification system." Curious and intrigued, I demanded he tell me more.

Basically he went on to say that girls get stamps on their heads whether they like it or not. It's either "fuckable" or "non fuckable." Either you get thrown into the accept or the reject category. Accept meaning I would bone her and reject meaning no, there's no possibility in hell.

Of course there are exceptions to this rule, and just because one guy wants to bone you, another may not. Or vice versa.

But hey, don't take my word for it. Here's a real deal testimonial that pretty much sums up my discovery:

"I'm a guy, I know what we think. I know how we scheme to get in the pants of girls we like, regardless if they are attached to someone else or not. It's what we do. We think with our dicks most of the time. If you hang out with a girl long enough 'as friends' it's almost guaranteed at some point you'll get laid if you try. We are a shady bunch, and most of us have schemed, lied, or manipulated to have sex with someone who otherwise would not have."

Can't say I'm surprised.

Boyfriend's Note: She's right. Some of us guys might be offended, but this is not in any way an unfair generalization. By thinking like this we men help to ensure the survival of the human race.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

If already read, feel free to mark as read

Since I've been suffering from some serious blogger's block for the last two weeks, I've decided to repost an old post in light of the plaid trend madness everywhere. I still completely and wholly stand by this particular post.

Posted on June 6th, 2009:

I think I've developed a huge thing for guys in plaid.

But instead of rambling too much, I'll let the pictures do the talking. Seriously, if I start describing the things I would do to them, this post would turn into an excerpt from one of those raunchy romance novels (i.e. Gettin' Buck Wild: The Sex Chronicles). Except worse...much worse. And by "worse", I mean better-- downright dirty and probably illegal. But I'll spare everyone the play by play of my fantasies.

Whoever agrees that guys in plaid equals gold should most definitely join this group on facebook.

PS. I finally got my phone! I am feeling myself again. Seriously people, just text me random stuff about anything. I'll most definitely text back...with long deep sentimental messages too. (Yep, being deprived of a phone for a week will do that to you.)

Belle & Sebastian - She's Losing It