Thursday, February 4, 2010

The solution to lying liars who lie.

I once had the interesting experience of having a pathological liar as a friend. Unfortunately when we first met, she wasn't Pinocchio and so there was no way for me to spot this particular personality flaw right away. However, when I found out about her lying ways, instead of feeling angry that she lied about multiple things, it only gave rise to feelings of pity and charity. And of course, questions of my gullibility.

Which is why I have decided that these pathological liars need to come with BIG warning indicators. Or at least ominous music. Wouldn’t that be increasingly helpful? Especially when it involves the opposite sex.

Imagine this scenario: You are at the bar or club with your friends, having a drink and suddenly the door swings opens and he walks in. You know the one. His dark hair is slightly tousled as if he has just gotten out of that gorgeous convertible, his features are chiseled, and everything about him is full of promise. He walks over to you, with just the right amount of confidence in his stride, and gives you a smile that pretty much curls your toes it has so much sex appeal.

However, as all this is happening the ominous music cues and consistently gets louder and louder until you simply cannot ignore it anymore. Sirens go off in your head and you tell him, no way Jose.

Approximate time you just saved: 1 month - 1 year.

Movies do this all the time. This is why I can never understand why the poor women consistently dates the man who abuses her over the many long years, is really a criminal in disguise, or is a business man who has four other wives in four other cities. Don't they hear the ominous piano notes that accompany him whenever he enters the scene? Is it so difficult? Seriously, they're pretty damn loud.

This would also be especially helpful for my boyfriend, not because he's a liar, but because of yours truly. Like when I get angry. When I get angry, I feel like I can win any and every argument because I have the powers of irrational thought on my side. So before my anger with him plateaus, the foreboding tones would start and he could run as far and as fast as he could away from me.

Easy peasy, right?