This is why I'm not a famous blogger

It's been over two weeks since my last, real entry, which isn't really that long ago, except that I usually never go this long without blogging. I wish I could say I've been off doing something great like kicking ass and taking names. Or Opium.

What really happened was a brief prison sentence. Which may or may not be because of the male prostitute ring that I was known for overseeing and facilitating.

Okay, seriously, what really happened?

1. Finals happened that pretty much beat me down to a pulp. That entire week I was desperately wishing my coffee contained something a little more than just coffee.

2. Laziness ensued not long after. After screwing up my sleeping pattern during my study sessions for finals, blogging was not happening, neither was thinking.

3. I actually think I covered pretty much everything. But it seems weird to stop at number two, so I'm going to pretend I have a third reason. Like maybe I got a job or something.

A play by play of my brain activity after finishing my finals:

Samm: Okay, now that finals is over, we can relax and take it easy. And maybe find some time to write a blog entry or two.

Brain: DOES NOT COMPUTE

Samm: I’m only saying, we don't have to, let's just watch some movies or something and relax.

Brain: ERROR! GLITCH! DOES NOT COMPUTE!

Samm: BITCH, JUST FUCKING RELAX! PLEASE!

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I haven't been blogging lately.

Oh and also,



Went boxing day shopping yesterday and snagged myself a flap bag like the one above. All is good.

The one where I have to act like a cold hearted bitch (but I'm really not)

A few weeks ago, one of my guy friends asked me how I felt about him. I could tell it took a lot of courage for him to admit his feelings for me. So I looked him deep in the eyes, and opened my mouth, ready to answer him.

And I answered him the way I usually answer things...with brute/untamed force. I punched him in the face.

Totally kidding, I'm not a violent person. I've never even punched anyone before. In fact, I never hit people, unless someone takes my hand and thereby forces me to hit them with it. I answered him with brutal honesty.

I'm not a brutally honest person, so this was tough for me. When I have to tell someone bad news, I do it lightly. I tread carefully. I beat around the bush until they bring their hands up to choke me for the truth. In short, I'm not good at turning people down. I'm not a doormat of any sort, but I'm careful about how I say things. Too careful almost.

Instead of being like one of my closest friends, who is the bluntest person I know, and who would be all, "Dude, no way, I'm not interested. And I'm sleeping with your brother" or something along the same lines of awesome, I have to sugar coat everything.

Anyways, all that aside, it's not like my opinion of him will change. He's still my friend and an awesome guy, and I will probably act as if nothing out of the ordinary ever happened the next time I see him. Also, no one will ever ask me out again out of fear that I will end up really punching them in the face next time.

Song today is Metric - Gold Guns Girls

How NOT to study. It's crucial knowledge. All the smart kids are doing it.

So like I've said, I haven't been blogging in the last week mostly because of school and studying for my midterms. And by "studying" I really mean cracking open my textbook for the first time, inhaling that new book smell, reading a paragraph, and then slamming it shut a minute later to browse asos.com. Don't start laughing because I am not joking.

If there's one thing I'm spectacular at, it's wasting time.

I'm not a good studier. I don't think anyone would say that they're good at it, but I am just really that bad. I don't know the meaning of diligence. Focus? What's that? Concentration? Never heard of it. Sorry, that's completely foreign to me. So don't you dare tell me to concentrate on my work ever again.

So since I adore the readers of my blog so much and don't want you guys to make the same mistakes that I make, I made up a list of things NOT to do when studying. I care.

1. Don't get up from your study session to stand in line for Tim Hortons because you absolutely need that second cup of coffee and muffin and you will die (seriously!) without it even though the line is already a million people long.

2. Don't go to the bathroom 7 more times (after already going 13 times) during your study session to look at your makeup and hair.

3. Don't go over to your boyfriend/girlfriend's place to study. You WILL get distracted. This is a given.

4. Don't sit down, read two lines from the textbook, and then decide to get a snack even though you just ate a whole meal five minutes ago. Then go back to studying. Then continuously get up to get food every 5 minutes after that until your kitchen is depleted and you're too full and sleepy to study anymore.

5. Don't study and then somehow teleport over to the computer and mysteriously be playing facebook games. Those things cannot get enough of me, honestly now. How I got from my studying desk upstairs to my computer downstairs I don't know.

6. Don't get into full scale arguments with your guy friend about whether or not Chloe Sevigny is hot.

7. Don't stare out the window at nothingness even if nothingness is probably better than your textbook.

8. Don't start writing Zeus hate mail when you should be studying about him.

9. Don't go to the bathroom one more time to check your make up or hair.

10. Don't let those people who go around passing out pamphlets at your school and petitions to sign distract you from your studying. Your mantra should be all "Okay, go away crazy dumbass idiot." Why do people always talk to me?

11. Don't gesture for people to come over to your study table and make "small conversation" that lasts more than 2 seconds.

12. And then get into debates with them about whether or not Chloe Sevigny is hot. (She's totally is and her wardrobe is to die for.)

13. Don't get Celine Dion songs stuck in your head.

So I know it's hard to believe, but I actually am a hard worker. I just don't know how to study properly. (My boyfriend says he likes girls who are hardworking, so guess what? I'm hardworking. Now that I've clarified that, please don't break up with me.)

Song today is Imogen Heap - Not Now, But Soon off her latest album Ellipse.

All in due time

I've been so busy with school and midterms I haven't had time to write an actual blog post. For some weird, mysterious, and unknown reason I haven't gotten much done so far despite studying practically this whole week (Read: I don't study like a normal person should). Next post will be on "How NOT to study" because I care about you guys so much and I want you guys to learn from my mistakes. Which I will get around to writing after Wednesday.

PS. Taylor Momsen texting on the Keybo. I told you all my phone was Gossip Girl worthy.

The one where I almost go blind and die

It's 7:42 am.
I'm staring at myself bleary-eyed in the mirror. I'm dead tired.

I notice the remains of yesterday's mascara smudged around my eye, so I grab a cotton pad, saturate it in liquid, and press it against my right eye.

IT BURNS.

Wincing and cursing, I manage to pry open my good eye, and splash some water into the stinging one. I turn my good eye to the counter to see a large pink bottle, not a small blue bottle of makeup remover.

I then realize I have just put nail polish remover in my eye.

I've never been so happy to not read "Please avoid contact with eyes" in my life. I need to stop trying to kill myself in the mornings.

Anyways, on another note, I got bored with my hair the other day and decided to cut my own bangs. HOW do people manage bangs? Tell me people. Is there some kind of thing you gotta do to make them behave? They're in my face all the time, the pieces are all all over the place and I feel like I'm hiding behind a veil of hair all the time. It's disastrous. Anyways, everyone loves the fringe look on me, but that's because I'm the one who has to them all nice and style them in the morning so that it looks good for all of y'all. Alas, it's another story when I wake up in the mornings. Everything is another story in the mornings really.


I took this with my phone so that's why the quality is all crappy.

Happy Friday!

Song today is Ben Folds - Still Fighting It

Don't judge me based on what I say

I have a lot on my plate this week. If my workload continues to be as crazy in the following weeks to come, the chances of me forming coherent sentences on this blog will go down by 87.9%. (Trust me, this number is absolutely correct. I took statistics and calculus, you know. If anyone knows about this kind of stuff, it's me. Unless you read this entry, then you know I'm lying when I say you can quote any calculations I make.)

Anyways I shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore (this is what my "friend" suggests to me everyday, and now I'm starting to agree with him), because everytime I do, it's always about how I don't like the weather or how sick I am or how layering clothes has me feeling smothered. Where did this feeling come from? I used to love wearing coats, boots, scarves and multiple layers. Now clothes make me feel claustrophobic. This is coming from someone who is completely, completely fashion obsessed. WHAT is happening to me? It's like I've become possessed by some nudist cult or something. I should be murdered.

Today's songs are The Teenagers - Love No and The Black Ghosts - Face

Coming up with plausible excuses is one of my many, many useful talents.

"I'm sick."

This will always, always be my favorite excuse for anything. Why were you late? Because I'm sick. How come you're taking your shitty moodiness out on me? I'm sick. I thought you said you were going to help me with so and so today. Sorry, I can't. I'm sick. You're being highly annoying right now. Don't talk to me like that, I'm sick, you don't even know what I'm going through right now, asshole!

Et cetera, et cetera.

Then if people tell you you're "being ridiculous," you can say to them, "Well, duh, that's because I'm sick." Trust me, people will leave you alone after this.

Another good one is "I fell down the stairs." No one really uses this one a lot and it's more specific than "I hurt myself", so it's believable. Or "I have food poisoning" which is a step higher than the general "I'm sick." You see, I put a lot of thought into these kinds of things.

Of course, I am actually sick. That's why I haven't been blogging as much lately. (See? It's perfect). But really, I'm actually sick. I've barely gotten any sleep lately because I've been coughing my head off at night. I feel terrible, I have no appetite, and I'm always in a bad mood as a result. Not a happy camper. I'm also taking three different kinds of meds, all to no avail. And I didn't go to class today either, of course. Take pity on the sick girl.

I would seriously give up three years of my life, if it means that I will live the remaining years of my life untouched by sickness. I think if I add up the days and days I've spent sick in bed and suffering from coughs and cold, it would span for months and months.

Songs today are MK Ultra, Undisclosed Desires, and I Belong to You off the new Muse album, The Resistance. You can download the entire album here. Enjoy.

Happy Thursday everyone.

Yay I flashed bunch of total strangers today

Way way way too hot today. Should have worn less clothes. We're having better weather in September than we did back in July, it's ridiculous.

Speaking of less clothes, I think I might've flashed everyone at the train station today and gave everyone a great view of my ass...skirt kinda-might've-probably rode up an extraordinary amount while I was walking up the train steps. You're welcome Calgary.

I wasn't even the slightest embarrassed as these types of things happen to me a lot. I also have a habit of reaching out for poles that don't exist when I lose my balance on the train. And then I try to play it off cool but that doesn't work either.

I think I've lost the ability to be embarrassed. No, probably not.

Okay, that's all. This blog is becoming more and more about my dumb, ditzy self and less and less about my real self...which isn't really all that dumb and ditzy. Going to take a shower (hot water isn't running for some reason today so I'm reduced to showering in freezing ice cold water) and then some reading. Here's a picture of an extremely yummy looking grilled cheese sandwich:



Song today is Empire of the Sun - We Are the People

My needs are important (obviously) / The trapeze swinger

Lately, my life has been all about trying to figure out my schedule for school and it's not working very well as every single class I am trying to get into is completely full and no one seems to be dropping anything.

Hello? People? Don't you realize that my needs are extremely important? I demand you appease my wishes and drop that accounting class so I can take your spot! I will bake you cookies. I can't promise that they will be the greatest cookies ever though.

I have been at the computer CONSTANTLY checking for open classes on PeopleSoft, refreshing the page every 5 minutes. The only time I stepped away from the computer was for food, to quickly dye my hair (running downstairs shortly afterwards with my shower cap on to keep guard of my class) and for food.

And (while we're on the subject of things that drive me crazy) can someone tell me WHAT is with all the concerts this year?! I am broke and yet all these bands keep coming to town to taunt me. I have been practicing a lot of self control lately. WTF METRIC WTF...why couldn't you come at a time when I had money?

Also, I've been on edge a lot lately, and although irritating, none of the above has anything to do with it. Little things drive me up the wall, and I feel terrible for snapping at people who happen to be within my vicinity when my aggravation strikes. Either I turn into some super bitch or I refuse to talk at all. I think it might be because of myself than anybody else. I'm hoping that it will pass within the next few days.

Yikes. Run for cover people. This post has been all about ME and what I NEED and what needs to be changed in order to accommodate MY wishes. (I am not like this usually, I promise).

Some more food pictures...breakfast edition:




Song today is Iron & Wine - The Trapeze Swinger

Math + Logic = Not installed in my brain

Not really sure why I am reading the New York Times instead of finishing my historical essay. It's a five page essay with two parts due Wednesday and I haven't really started it yet, so of course I'm sitting here thinking that I should blog about something. About anything.

That's what happens when there's something important needed to be done, a million other more interesting things come up.

Anyways in accordance with the title of this entry, I'm not a mathematical genius.

In fact, numbers in general are not really my forte. I am what my friend calls the "history/language/insightful/creative artsy fartsy" type and not the "science/math/numbers /black and white loser" type. These are her words and not mine by the way, so if you're going to be offended, don't be offended at me. Although I must admit I like her descriptions, they are fabulous.

And that's why when I got hit with a decision analysis question worth seven marks (which combines both of my shortfalls of math and logic) on my BSEN final that I didn't memorize step by step exactly how to do, I lost out on all seven marks. I just couldn't logic my way through it.

What I actually did was punch in combinations of numbers from the question sheet into my calculator, hoping that I would somehow get one of the multiple choice answers. Didn't happen.

Ended up filling all seven questions out with b's. Anyways I don't really care anymore anyways, like I said, I just needed to blog about something.

And just for randoms:





Song today is Michael Jackson's Remember the Time. Asides from his music and talent, he is also probably the most fashionable man that has ever lived.

Grow Up and Blow Away

I am deathly scared of earthworms and I'll go to the farthest extent possible to avoid them. If I see it from a distance and feel that it may be a threat to my life (almost always), I might throw the largest and nearest object I can find. And if by luck, the object smashes it to its death, I still won't touch it. The big point here is I would never intentionally touch a worm by any means.

This notion was put to the test today when me and my friend were sitting outside on the grass on campus in the sun talking and eating lunch. As we were talking, I started picking at the grass on the ground, unaware that a huge worm was wriggling a few cm away from my hand. As I saw it, I screamed (attracting all kinds of attention), jumped up and proceeded to drag my friend as far away as possible. She pretty much pissed herself laughing. Anyways I went to the washroom later to wash my hands for about 10 minutes, even though I didn't touch it. The point is that it was near me.

I am also scared of moths and centipedes. I know I'm like 10000x bigger than them. You're probably thinking, "wow what a girl." Believe me, I know. I'm aware of how silly I sound right now.

Anyways at least it gave me something to blog about.

PS. I hate when random people try to strike up a conversation with me on the train. And don't stop even when I completely ignore them. When did people become so persistent?

Metric - Grow up and Blow Away