On Relationships

It is a hard process - to experience and go through something that once had so much potential and slowly have it disintegrate without being able to salvage it. Besides asking myself what the hell happened, I am always on edge, worried and becoming increasingly disheartened.

I am a firm believer of communication to solve my problems, and yet everytime I try to lay out my cards and talk things through, it ends up backfiring and a huge argument ensues where the both of us go to bed angry. Nothing is solved – it is only shoved under the rug where it resurfaces again a month or two in the future. I want him to understand what I am thinking, how I am feeling, but I can never string the right combination of words together. No matter how much I desperately want things to work, we can never align, get on the same page and move forward together happily.

There is always some sort of two way sacrifice or compromise in a healthy relationship, but there is none in mine. I am at my wits’ end.

Come on to bed blogger, let's kiss and make up.

I lose. I've been so busy with this and that that I haven't had a spare moment since my Fall semester started in September. Not that I would blog anyways if I had time. Taking 4 core business classes has diminished my ability to form sentences and has subsequently replaced my head with the ability to calculate future values, bonds and mortgages for long hours.

Except apparently I am gaining it all back as I write this.

Without a doubt, I have been overwhelmed. Group work is required for most of my classes (obviously anyone who has ever had to do group work in University knows that time is most efficiently spent this way. And by efficiently I mean not really at all). I have tedious assignments, quizzes and midterms seemingly non-stop. This has turned me into some kind of Grumpy McGrumpy pants. Or a professional asshole. Whatever.

Whenever someone asks what my major is and I reply "Accounting" I suddenly see the light disappear from their eyes and the calculating judgments they're forming about me. And then comes the fake enthusiasm like I picked the most interesting major ever.

"JUST BECAUSE I AM AN ACCOUNTING MAJOR DOES NOT MAKE ME BORING AND LAME!" I want to scream. "And I can be creative and artsy fartsy too!" (The artsy fartsy, creative part is true; The former two may or may not be.)

But then I realized that I am a girl who likes things. Pretty things. Shiny things. Burberry things. Although I know that money sure as hell cannot buy happiness, I do know it can buy me things. An English degree will not get me there, but perhaps a Business degree will. That is ok in my book. I have no interest in doing something I love and be barely scraping by to make ends meet by pursuing it. I am trying to find the upper-middle ground, and that is that.

With that being said and all seriousness aside, it is extremely hard to care about school work and be a lazy kitten instead when the weather starts dropping. All I want to do is stay in my warm bed and play Mario Kart DS.





PS. I'm Silk Spectre for Halloween this year. She's badass and I have a serious girl crush on her.

Some images

Looking through my files, it seems I have collected and accumulated a whole bunch of pictures and photos over the past several months that strike me as interesting or inspiring. I figure that they're worth sharing since my writing has undoubtedly deteriorated/become almost non existent over the last couple months. The obvious solution is to replace words with pretty pictures.

While we're young

I know it has been forever since I last updated, and I find myself saying this each time I post, but the truth is that I have become boring now. Or I have nothing to say. Something along those lines. I have about 7 drafts in my blogger since my last entry, and I've scrapped them all because I deemed them uninteresting or redundant of things I have already said. I need to get out and make some bad decisions or something.

Some updates:

The thing I have been looking forward to lately is the idea that I am inheriting the Lexus RX from my dad. He is in the looks for a new car and thus giving me the keys to the SUV. My first car will be a fucking Lexus, which is something I can definitely live with. He is spoiling me to say the least. Life is good.

Maybe this isn't worth mentioning, but I've been getting these weird random bruises and cuts out of nowhere lately. I don't know how I get them, but the only reasonable explanation must be that I'm some sort of crime fighting superhero by night. Honestly, how and where do these injuries come from?

In other more general news I have been really enjoying my summer. I haven't left the city, as I usually do each summer, but I'm not complaining. There is comfort in enjoying time off, even if it isn't the least bit productive. Between watching Big Brother (this is a annual summer tradition of mine), outdoor concerts and patio lunches, I'd say I have nothing to complain about.

I am a little bit (or a lot!) excited on the fashion front, as fall fashions are starting to roll out everywhere. I have to say that I prefer layering knits over short shorts and tank tops. Maybe it is because I'm so pale that I feel slightly out of place amongst all the tan people. I stand out like a sore thumb every summer. Winter dressing suits me more I think. And I'll admit, I miss being able to wear black.

Topshop just rolled out their Dark Nouveau collection, and H&M Divided also has promos for their Fall '10 collection.

H&M Divided Fall:





Source: Fashion Gone Rogue

I can't wait to get my hands on a military-esque jacket and a pair of kick ass ankle boots for the colder months!

Some things you probably don't care about

Random thoughts and updates and things I love this month:

- Do not blush furiously the next time you see a friend. Who you had a dream about. A not-so-appropriate dream. I repeat: DO NOT BLUSH. And don't accidentally give her that look. Because you do not mean that look. You don't. It came unbidden to your unconscious. You don't mean it. So STOP IT.

- Sometimes if you wait long enough, you get exactly what you want and exactly what you need.

- I've noticed that when you're about to go to the gym, it’s super important that you let as many people know as possible whether via twitter, facebook or your blog. More calories are burned when you brag about it.

- My life schedule: worry worry worry worry worry worry worry...rinse and repeat.

- I'm probably the only one rooting for Olivia Palermo on The City. I'm sorry people, but I CAN'T HATE HER. She's too impeccably dressed. And there are of course things about her that annoy me but I feel like MTV constantly makes her out to be the bad guy.

- It's "a lot" and not "alot" people.

- Obsession this month: Wildfox Couture tees




My boyfriend bought me one and I absolutely love it! The material is so soft and flowy. It's a dream. View the whole collection here.

- Frozen yogurt at Spoon Me on Kensington. YUM:

- Playing video games with my sweetheart. It's pretty rad.

The art of the compliment

I love compliments. Seriously, they light the fire to what is called my ego. And admit it, you love them too.

You're hot. You have the best butt. You're so smart. You smell nice. I love what you're wearing. It's weird, but you remind me of Adriana Lima*.

Compliments are good for the soul. They never cease to warm my insides. The more specific the compliment, the more bonus points you score.

The problem is discerning which one's are genuine and which ones are the I-want-to-sleep-with-you-and-if-it-means-telling-you-pretty-things-then-so-be-it ones.

But the compliment that seems to bring about mixed feelings among us ladies has to be:

You're cute.

I was talking to a friend a while ago and she brought about how she doesn't think "you're cute" counts as a compliment. It is more something you say when you can't tell a girl she's hot and "you're cute" acts as a kind of safe medium. I agree with her to an extent. Cute isn't exactly the best compliment to give to another. For me, cute stirs up images of kittens and puppies and unicorns that you want to put in your pocket and carry around with you. Or those real life anime looking girls with big huge alien eyes and frilly clothes.

But then again, I take it. And I don't mind it. It doesn't exactly make my panties wet or whatever, but hey, I say thank you all the same.

However tell me I'm smart and gorgeous and the best thing since grilled cheese and I'm yours**.

*The proper way to give this compliment is actually the other way around (i.e. Adriana Lima reminds me of you).

**Not really. Do you really think it's that easy. But it's always nice to hear. And it'll make me like you more. Especially if you add in the grilled cheese part.

Can you please spell 'Gabbana'?

In regards to shopping and buying clothes, my boyfriend tells me I am "beyond hope" and "a lost cause" everyday. Which is a complete exaggeration people. I mean, just because I want pretty much everything, doesn't mean I have an addiction does it?

Okay so I acknowledge that I have a teeny little minuscule shopping problem. I don't know where the line is but I'm sure I've crossed it. In fact, I'm way past the line. I've hiked, climbed mountains, and swam oceans passed the line. If it weren't for my amazing money managing skills I'd probably be up to my head in debt right now.

Also, putting that last collage together (see last post) obviously shows that I have too much time on my hands.

I watched The September Issue over the weekend, which follows the behind the scenes activities of Anna Wintour and Vogue's making of the annual September issue. An interesting point that Wintour makes is when she acknowledges that people who love fashion are often seen as superficial or mocked for caring so much about the type of clothes on their back:

"Just because you like to put on a beautiful Carolina Herrera dress or a pair of J Brand blue jeans instead of something basic from K-Mart it doesn't mean that you're a dumb person."

It reminds me of the scene in The Devil Wears Prada, where Anne Hathaway's character scoffs at the magazine she works at and ridicules her coworkers behind their backs for being so invested in clothes and the minuscule details surrounding the industry, until finally, Meryl Streep puts her in her place. (Which means she told her to get off her high horse and gtfo of her face).

Obviously caring about how you dress and having an interest in fashion is not a crime, and thinking that people who do are stupid or idiots is a pretty poor and unfounded generalization. I've also noticed that people who love to shop are also seen as being tied up with being frivolous or lazy, which is probably the most untrue generalization I've heard.

If anything, my incessant spending habits fuel the fire to work harder in order to finance my wants.

Anyhowl, I know my blogging habits have been pretty rare lately. Hopefully I'll have time to blog more often as I'm off for two weeks before my Spring classes start up. Happy Tuesday people.